I reread some of my journal entries today, and looking back at where I was at this time last year was surreal. I was at a crossroads in my life where I wasn’t sure if what I was pursuing as a career was right for me and, if it wasn’t, trying to figure out what I would do instead. I was worried I would never find a career that I was passionate about. A career I wanted to wake up to go to everyday. I felt lonely and disconnected and homesick in those moments, living hours away from my family and my very best friends and everything I had ever known. Even in those moments of doubt, I took the time to write about my speculations for the future. I loved being able to read along as I processed through my decision to become a mental health counselor and how the style of my writing began to change into something with more joy and a hopefulness behind it. My entry from a year ago today read, “I wish I could look into the future to see if I end up happy and, if I don’t, I wish I could go back into the past and change things.” A year later, my future turned out to include going to grad school in the career field of my dreams, finally getting the push I needed to become vegan, starting to do yoga everyday, moving to one of my favorite cities, getting to go to theme parks every week, a guy I thought I’d never get to be with is my boyfriend, I’m close to my best friends and family, specifically my nephew who is just the best (also this time last year I was terrified of babies), getting my first job, being a mom to the best fur babies on the planet, and so much more. While there is so much future left unknown, for the first time in my life I feel ready to enter it with excitement. Since writing to my future self proved to be so helpful before, I’m going to end with writing some advice to my future self and anyone who would care to read it:
1) Be excited. There is so much more life ahead of you to live. You will meet so many wonderful people, see so many incredible places, and do so many fantastic things that you won’t even be able to imagine yet. The best is yet to come!
2) Be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best. Some days your best might just be being able to get yourself out of bed on your low days to take a hot shower and change your clothes. You are braver and stronger than you know even in those moments.
3) Be at peace with your situation. This is the hardest part. You have not seen your last bad day. You will have infinitely many more days of loneliness, of indecisiveness, of anxiety, of homesickness, of depression, of exhaustion. There is power in this though. You have seen enough of these bad days to know as bad as they are, you have not seen your last good day. You will have infinitely many more days of laughter, of love, of sunlight, of joy, of adventure, of excitement. You will feel full again soon.
